A big list of “Funny Golf Quotes”
Golf Quotes: If you consider yourself a golf enthusiast and believe you know everything there is to know about the game, you are mistaken. Check out our top 80 funny quotes!
Funny Golf Quotes
- “I asked my good friend, Arnold Palmer, how I could get improve my game. He advised me to cheat! BOB HOPE”
- “When discussing your golf round, a bad shot often becomes a good lie. – MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “I play golf like Cinderella. I never make it to the ball. -DON RICKLES”
- “Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting. PETER DOBEREINER”
- “If I can’t control my weight shift, my swing path, or my ball flight, what makes you think I can control my emotions? – MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “Golf is the only sport where you can practice every day for six months and not get any better. LARRY DAVID Funny”
- “SANTA, I’D LIKE A LARGE BANK ACCOUNT AND A LOW GOLF SCORE. PLEASE DON’T MIX THEM UP LIKE LAST YEAR!”
- “The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about fixing your golf swing. – AUTHOR UNKNOWN”
- “When you have successfully overcome one bad habit, two others will immediately surface. – PEARL KLEIN”
- “I’m always in trouble on the golf course. It’s the depth that seems to vary. -JAVIER RUBINSTEIN”
- “Whoever said “practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf. AUTHOR UNKNOWN”
- “IT TAKES A LOT OF BALLS TO GOLF THE WAY I DO.”
Hilarious Golf Quotes
- “I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. – GEORGE BRETT”
- “As we age, good shots fade, bad shots persist, and new “what the fuck” shots show up unexpectedly. MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “My clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well. – JACK BURRELL Aylormade”
- “Golf is a maddening compulsion, a diabolical trick, agony disguised as fun. JASON GAY, THE WALL STREET JOURNAL”
- “Golf is an easy game that’s hard to play. AUTHOR UNKNOWN Funny”
- “Golf is the cruelest game because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. RICK REILLY”
- “If I had a quarter for every bad shot I hit today, I’d have a large bag of quarters to hit myself over the head and ask myself why do I keep playing this game? MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. – BRUCE CRAMPTON”
- “I spend more time in the woods than Red Riding Hood. ANDY CROSBY”
- “I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it. JIM DENT Funny Funny Golf Quotes .com It’s nice to look down the fairway and see your mother on the left and your father on the right. You know that no matter whether you hook it or slice it, somebody is going to be there to kick it back in the fairway. LARRY NELSON”
Witty Golf Quotes and Sayings
- “When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again! AUTHOR UNKNOWN”
- “A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes CAROL MANN”
- “Either you have to get better soon or quit telling people I’m your teacher. – DAVD MARR to Pro Football Hall of Famer Frank Gifford”
- “Always keep in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn’t come three to a sleeve. DAN JENKINS”
- “Golf is not a fair game, so why build a course fair? PETE DYE”
- “I call golf “connect the sand trap.’ I can play four or five rounds without having the ball touch the grass once. JACK BENNY”
- “I learned one thing from jumping motorcycles that were of great value on the golf course, the putting green especially: Whatever you do, don’t come up short. EVEL KNIEVEL OLYMPIA”
- “By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can’t hit it that far. LEWIS GRIZZ”
- “The hardest shot in golf? I find it to be the hole-in-one. GROUCHO MARX”
Funny Golf Jokes
- “Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health and at the same time, it has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world. BOB HOPE”
- “CMDCK I talk on my cell phone while playing golf as one excuse for why I play so poorly. STEVE SCHLAFER”
- “EAT. SLEEP. GOLF REPEAT.”
- “The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. – GEORGE DEUKMEJIAN”
- “Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else’s anywhere else. PETER ANDREWS”
- “Coom Tee the ball high. Through years of experience, I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt. JACK NICKLAUS”
- “The game just embarrasses you until you feel inadequate and pathetic. You want to cry like a child. CRAIG STADLER”
- “My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. LORD GEORGE ROBERTSON’S”
- “Golf is the most over-taught and least-learned human endeavor there is. If they taught sex the way they teach golf, the human race would have died out years ago. – JIM MURRAY’S”
- “I like to drink because it helps take the edge off other golfers. DAN LEVINE”
Funny Golf Quotes For Instagram
- “Golf and Sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. JIMMY DEMARET”
- “If profanity influenced the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. is HORACE G. HUTCHINSON”
- “Funny IG If Quotes My game is so bad I’ve got to hire three caddies -one to walk the left rough, one for the right rough, and one for down the middle. And the one in the middle doesn’t have to do much. – DAVE HILL”
- “This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win. BEN HOGAN”
- “I drove so badly today, my buddies put a ‘Student Driver’ sticker on the back of my golf cart. – BRIAN ROTT, Owner of CartMort”
- “It’s a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I’d miss her. |– GARY PLAYER”
- “When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. – EVERY GOLFER’S WIFE”
- “Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive. HARVEY PENICK”
- “Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. A.A. MILNE”
Funny Golf Terms
- “E It’s a frustrating sport. Without humor, you’d probably end up killing someone you play with. Then again, if you had a jury of golfers, you’d probably be acquitted. RABBI MARC GELLMAN Funny”
- “Swing hard in case you hit it. DAN MARINO”
- “Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. – LEE TREVINO”
- “I’m an ordinary sort of fellow – 42 around the chest, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. GROUCHO MARX Funny”
- “It’s often necessary to hit a second shot to appreciate the first one. HENRY BEARD”
- “Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball as it lies. – BOBBY JONES’S”
- “My god, he looks like he’s beating a chicken. – BYRON NELSON on actor Jack Lemmon’s golf swing”
- “If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. – BOB HOPE Funny”
- “I didn’t miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole! – PETER JACOBSEN”
Funny Golf One Liners
- “Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves driving, chipping, putting, and the ability to count golf strokes. MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “Alan Shepard didn’t take a baseball or a soccer ball to the moon; he took a 6 iron. Some folks will do anything to get a little extra distance on a drive! GEORGE FULLER”
- “They say that golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that! GARDNER DICKINSON”
- “God must have loved the Double Bogey Golfer because he made so many of them. HOLLIS ALPERT, IRA MOTHNER & HAROLD SCHO”
- “Only bad golfers are lucky. They’re the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles, and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky. – LEE TREVINO”
- “A great day on a golf course is when you find more balls than you lose. MARC OSTROFSKY”
- “IF YOU ARE READING THIS SIGN, YOU ARE 87 YARDS OFFLINE.”
- “It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it. – JACK NICKLAUS”
- “The stages of a golfer’s game are Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse. – HENRY BEARD”
- “My putting style today is best described as misfortune. – GEORGE LOPEZ’S”