Talladega Nights Quotes: The following collection of humorous phrases from Talladega Nights will make you feel like a winner.
Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are known for crafting wacky characters that spout quotable one-liners. They are the combo that brought you Anchorman and Step Brothers. Their movie, Talladega Nights, is not an exception to this rule.
Which one of the lines from Talladega Nights is the funniest? This time-honored comedy tells the story of the “Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” a NASCAR star who might benefit from some lessons in humility.
Will Farrell and John C. Reilly give hilarious performances as the NASCAR champion and the NASCAR runner-up, respectively, which, if we’re being really honest, is the same thing as coming in last place?
While attending a NASCAR race in Fontana, California, both Farrell and McKay had the inspiration for the notion of “Will Ferrell as a NASCAR driver.”
These hilarious lines from the movie Talladega Nights are sure to put you in a good mood. If you need even more amusement, you should also check out our collection of Dave Chappelle quotes and these funny quotations from the movie Elf. Both of these collections are available on our website.
Hysterical Quote From Talladega Nights
1. “No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be maybe 300.” — Ricky Bobby
2. “I felt like I was on a spaceship.” — Ricky Bobby
3. “How many more times you going to toss me the radio in the bathtub?” – Lucy Bobby
4. “Jesus did grow up.” – Carley Bobby
5. “My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants: to tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet, but before I can do that…” – Jean Girard
6. “Help me, Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!” – Ricky Bobby
7. “I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. ‘Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.
8. “Daddy, you made that grace your b*tch.” — Walker Bobby
9. “Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam.” – Jean Girard
10. “Bon. So, what if you just said: ‘I love really thin pancakes?’ That is a fair compromise, no?” – Jean Girard
11. “When you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?” —Cal Naughton Jr.
12. “But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.” – Jean Girard
13. “You don’t drive with your eyes, you drive with your heart.” — Reese Bobby
14. “Hey, shut up you little pot-licker, I’ll stick you in a microwave!” – Reese Bobby
15. “Susan, I’ve never heard You talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” — Ricky Bobby
16. Reese: “You got big. How long’s it been? Three, four months?” Ricky: “Ten years.” Reese: “Ten years? Man, I’ve gotta lay off the peyote.”
17. “Will You be my… Katie Couric?” — Jean Girard
18. “Shake and bake!” — Cal Naughton Jr.
19. “Dear Lord baby Jesus… I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.” — Ricky Bobby
20. “I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge.” — Walker
21. “There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.” — Reese Bobby
22. “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” – Texas Ranger
23. “It’s the fastest who gets paid and it’s the fastest who gets laid.” – Reese Bobby
24. “Now I am declaring Granny Law and if you do not obey Granny Law, I will paint your back porch red.” — Lucy Bobby
25. “Why, if it isn’t our mangy, transient grandfather.” – Texas Ranger
26. “Hi, I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then bleep you.” – Ricky Bobby
27. “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.” – Ricky Bobby
28. “From now on, you’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo.” – Ricky Bobby
29. “I don’t care, I’m having a baby!” – Lucy Bobby
30. “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.” — Ricky Bobby
31. “You better shut the hell up or I’ll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!” – Texas Ranger
32. “No, I don’t know what that means, I guess longer lives.” — Lucius Washington
33. “Ricky, remember: The field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.” — Chip
34. “Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!” – Ricky Bobby
35. “Super’s ready! Come on, y’all! I’ve been slaving over this for hours.” – Carley Bobby
36. “Break it, Pepé Le Pew.” — Ricky Bobby
37. “My husband Gregory And I want what any couple wants. To retire to Stockholm And develop a currency for dogs And cats to use.” — Jean Girard
38. “Please be 18.” — Ricky Bobby
39. “Sir, you taste of America.” — Jean Girard
40. “I’m going fast.” — Young Ricky Bobby
41. “We keep it on there for profiling purposes! We’ve also got The Pet Shop Boys and Seal.” — Bartender
42. “We go together like cocaine and waffles.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
43. “I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
44. “It won the Academy Award… Best movie ever made.” – Ricky Bobby
45. “Sorry Lucius, but it’s a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.” — Glenn
46. “Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander!” – Ricky Bobby
47. “Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” — Texas Ranger
48. “I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.” – Ricky Bobby
49. “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
50. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?” — Ricky Bobby
51. “See you when you’re grown up.” — Reese Bobby
52. “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” — Ricky Bobby
53. “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby
54. “Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” — Ricky Bobby
55. “Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken.” — Ricky Bobby
56. “Yep, I’m flying through the air. This is not good.” – Ricky Bobby
57. “What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?” — Jean Girard
58. “It’s not always bad to be in last place. Here’s some things we can focus on. We tried hard and We’re still dear friends.” — Glenn
59. “Here’s the deal—I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” — Ricky Bobby
60. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cause it says, like, I want to be formal but I want to party too. Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
61. “I’ll just bury it down inside.” – Cal Naughton Jr.
62. “Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?” — Jean Girard
63. “I wanna go fast. I wanna go fast.” — Young Ricky Bobby
64. “Now, there’s nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like a necessity.” — Reese Bobby
65. “Chew big red, or get out of my face motherf*cker.” — Ricky Bobby
66. “Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon’ get bumpy!” — Ricky Bobby
67. “I sent in my application to The Real World, so I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.” — Ricky Bobby
68. “No ma’am. I haven’t seen my daddy in years. But my mama says he’s out racing cars and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.” — Young Ricky Bobby
69. “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.
70. “Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, And I’m sayin’ grace. When You say grace, You can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever You want.” — Ricky Bobby
71. “Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces… newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet.” – Ricky Bobby
72. “I’m all jacked up on mountain dew!” – Texas Ranger
73. “May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” – Jean Girard
74. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby
75. “I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?” – Ricky Bobby
Which hilarious line from Talladega Nights do you find yourself quoting the most often? Talladega Nights is likely quite close to the top of the list of movies that you enjoy seeing the most if you are a fan of Will Farrell. The movie is jam-packed with ridiculous one-liners, strange characters, and amusing shenanigans all throughout.
We hope that some of these lines from Talladega Nights made you chuckle, regardless of how many times you’ve seen the movie. Remember to refer back to these phrases from Talladega Nights the next time you need to get in the mindset of a victor. Which one of these funny phrases from Talladega Nights is your absolute favorite? Please share your thoughts with us in the comment area below.