45 Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh

Funny quotes about life. One of the best things to do to improve your health is to laugh often. Improve your mood by reading these quotes about all the things life has to offer. Hope you enjoyed these funny quotes and that you laugh a few times throughout the page. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts, and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, and backgrounds.

Funny

• “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Unknown”
• “I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are. Matt Bellassai”
• “I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean. Zach Galifianakis (wikipedia.org)”

• “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? Unknown”
• “Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make. Aparna Nancherla”

Humorous Lines

• “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen”
• “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. Unknown”
• “You’re welcome to come here, except for my beds from Ikea so it’s more unstable than I am. Texts From Last Night”

• “Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield”
• “Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook. Unknown”
• “My life feels like a test I didn’t study for. Unknown”

Short Funny Quotes

• “If you are hotter than me it means I’m cooler than you. Pakula Papito”
• “I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them. Unknown”
• “You’re only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz”

• “Here’s a quick anti-aging trick: die. Unknown”
• “In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. Aparna Nancherla”
• “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Unknown”
• “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. Zach Galifianakis”

Best Funny Quotes

• “I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes. Unknown”
• “I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Steven Wright”
• “I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch. Unknown”
• “I believe in annoyed at first sight. Unknown”

• “I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass. #FitnessGoals Bill Burr”
• “I am not lazy. I am in energy-saving mode. Unknown”
• “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother anyone. Mike Tyson”

Cute Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh

• “I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice. Pakula Papito”
• “I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking. Unknown”
• “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers”
• “I was just viciously body-shamed by my mirror. Danny Zuker (twitter.com)”
• “Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry. Unknown”
• “Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it. Unknown”
• “Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I feel it all the time. Unknown”
• “Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. Beth McCollister”

Funny Quotes

1. “Being lucky takes hard work”

2. “Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike fell out of a tree twisted my ankle Adult injuries: Slept wrong sat down too long sneezed too hard”

3. “Let’s face it – some people drain the nice right out of you.”

4. “Nope…..still don’t care to try again tomorrow”

5. “Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. The worst people give you a lesson. And best people give you memories.”

6. “Just because I am not talking doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood. Sometimes, I just like being quiet.”

7. “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.”

8. “Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!”

9. “I know the voices aren’t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas”

10. “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”

11. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.”

12. “Never regret being a good person to the wrong people.”

13. “What you allow is what will continue”

14. “Dear life could you at least start using lubricant?”

15. “I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding..”

16. “Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction”

17. “Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.”

18. “The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.”

19. “I really do try to see the best in people. But seriously. Some of you fuckers are making it so hard.”

20. “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough”

21. “No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullshit.”

22. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

23. “wish I could invoice people for wasting my time”

24. “Be selective in your battles for sometimes peace is better than being right.”

25. “I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”

26. “If you love someone, set them on fire, If they… no wait, is that right? Oh shit…be right back!”

27. “I’m at the point in parenting where “What did I just say?!” could either be a threat or a genuine question”

28. “My teacher pointed a ruler at me & said, “At the end of this ruler is an idiot.” I got detention for asking “Which end?”

29. “Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay?”

30. “I always give 100% at work: 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday”

Read More

• 45 Short Funny Quotes Anyone Can Remember
• 38 Of The Best Funny Quotes and Images
• 75 Funny Yearbook Quotes – Sarcastic Witty Ideas
• 60 Mitch Hedberg Quotes for Funny One-Liners
• 40 Good Morning Monday Images And Funny Monday Memes

Funny pictures with quotes

Looking for the best funny quotes pictures, photos & images? boomsumo’s pictures can be used on Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, Twitter, and blogs.