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78 Funny Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny quotes about life. Hottest funny quotes selection of all time. Simple to read a short list of the most hilarious phrases Pictures, memes with ever expressed. Excellent for sharing, blogging, and tweeting.

Funny quotes and sayings “My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. Short funny words “I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry on the same day.

Quote of the day “Just keep being true to yourself, if you’re passionate about something go for it.” Quotes on life “If you work just for money, you’ll never make it, but if you love what you’re doing and you always put the customer first, success will be yours.”

78 Funny Quotes And Sayings To Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny Quotes And Sayings

Our selection of funny quotes for life which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious. Witty funny sayings that are sure to put a smile on your face. Repeat or copy these quotes out to your friends to make them laugh!

1. “The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character.”

2. “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant… so chocolate is a salad.”

3. “Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head.”

4. “After Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F”

5. “I googled ‘who gives a fuck?’ My name wasn’t in the search results.”

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6. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

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7. “The world is not full of assholes, but they are strategically placed so that you’ll come across one every day. Every. Fucking. Day.”

8. “Row row row your boat gently the fuck away from me”

9. “We are so good together.”

10. “Dear vegetarians… If you’re trying to save the animals, why are you eating their food?”

11. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”

12. “That awkward moment when you think you do a silent fart and it comes out like a machine gun.”

13. “Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus”

14. “I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left the hell alone. Being crazy is hard.”

15. “Diet day1: I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.”

16. “Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.”

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17. “Why do men always wanna come back like nothing ever happened. “He good morning” we ain’t talked in 6 months”

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168 “I wonder if Chinese tourists get angry when they buy a souvenir from America just to find out it was made in China?”

19. “Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.”

20. “My kids call it “yelling” when I raise my voice. I call it motivational speaking for the selective listener.”

21. “My talent: Not sleeping at night.”

22. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.”

23. “A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret.”

24. “Me: “I need some help around here!” Also Me: “No, not like that…here, I’ll do it”

25. “I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”

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26. “Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I’m not used to consuming wine in pill form.”

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27. “Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said… cheese and shit like that. So my soulmate is out there.”

28. “Learn from your past.. then pack your shit and get the fuck out of there.”

29. “I don’t care about my prince charming. Where are the forest animals that clean??”

30. “Do you ever just wanna grab someone by the shoulders look them deep in the eyes and whisper… “No one gives a shit””

31. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”

32. “Step aside coffee this is a job for alcohol”

33. “That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.”

34. “Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.”

35. “I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold, and put their laundry away all in one day.”

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36. “Saying “Have a nice day” to someone sounds friendly but saying “enjoy your next 24 hours” sounds threatening.”

37. “I know the voices aren’t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas”

38. “In bed, it’s 6am you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45 at work, it’s 1:30. Close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31.”

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39. “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”

40. “Better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday”

41. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.”

42. “ “What time is it?” “There’s a clock right there.” “Did I ask you where the clock was?!?””

43. “When you love what you have, you have everything you need.”

44. “I may look like I’m having deep thoughts but 99% of the time ha thinking about what I’m going to eat later.”

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45. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to “Push all your buttons” I was just looking for mute!”

46. “Wrinkles mean you laughed, grey hair means you cared and scars mean you lived!”

47. “Guy walks out of the restroom…. Girl says: “Sir your garage door is open….. Guy asks: “Did you see my Harley” …. Girl says: “No, I saw a mini bike with two flat tires””

48. “I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.”

49. “When you are dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. All of the pain is felt by others. The same thing happens when you are stupid.”

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50. “There’s a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. I walk that line like a drunken clown at the circus.”

51. “I’m as single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.”

52. “You can’t always control who walks into your life… But you can control which window you throw them out of.”

53. “Breaking news common sense is now an endangered species. Stupidity has taken over the world and unfortunately, there is no known cure.”

54. “I was hoping for a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed”

55. “I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.”

56. “I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.”

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57. “Different Letters Please check”

58. “I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning” because if it were a good morning I’d still be in bed asleep”

59. “Yeah I’ve got O.C.D old, cranky and dangerous.”

60. “Live, laugh, love and if that does not work.. Load, aim and fire.”

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61. “I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.”

62. “Don’t try to figure me out I’m a special kind of twisted.”

63. “One way to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh, you’re still young. If they panic and start running to you, you’re old.”

64. A healthy mind does not speak ill of others.

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65. “If you can’t handle me randomly blurting out song lyrics that relate to what you just said, we can’t be friends.”

66. “That’s a horrible idea. What time?”

67. “Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else!”

68. “Someone’s therapist knows all about you.”

69. “ “I am a ninja” “No, you’re not” “Did you see me do that?” “Do what?” “Exactly””

70. “After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF”

71. “Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.”

72. “Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it.”

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73. “Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.”

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74. “I shine a laser pointer in my neighbor’s window when they’re gone. Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it. They have no ideal it’s me. Am I evil? Yes, I am.”

75. “ “I only hang out with guys because they never start drama” please read a history textbook”

76. “During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the fuck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?”

77. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

78. “Welcome to adulthood, I hope you like ibuprofen.”

Funny Quotes Pictures & Images

Need a good laugh? Here are the best funny pictures quotes and images, funny memes, Hilarious memes and Hilarious. this 78 Funny Pictures That Will Make You Laugh.

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