Funny quotes and memes. Top 38 Of The Best Funny Quotes Ever to laugh forever. Read more funny messages with funny images and hilarious pictures. I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
Read more best funny memes and Cool Funny Quotes Life. The fact is that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years. without brain. hilarious sayings I love to live… Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. photo credits Pinterest
Best Funny Quotes
1. “I hate it when people are at your house and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard.”
2. “CUPCAKES
ARE
MUFFINS
THAT
BELIEVED
IN MIRACLES”
3. “I have lots of hidden talents.
The problem is, even I can’t find them!”
4. “I Can’t-Wait to Retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work”
5. “I’M 97% SURE YOU DON’T LIKE ME BUT I’M 100% SURE I DON’T CARE”
Funny Quotes To Make You Smile
If you’re in need of a pick-me-up, these funny life quotes will put a smile on your face and maybe even draw out a laugh.
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
6. “I WOULD LIKE TO CONFIRM THAT I DO NOT CARE.”
7. “I’VE MET SOME PRICKS IN MY TIME, BUT YOU MY FRIEND, ARE THE F*CKING CACTUS.”
8. “I HAVE BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE HOW MANY PROBLEMS MATH IS ONE OF THEM. POINTLESS POSTERS.”
9. “People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. The glass is REFILLABLE.”
10. “I CAN’T TALK TO YOU TODAY. I TALKED TO TWO PEOPLE YESTERDAY. CIRCUS”
Hilarious Quotes
Funniest collection for funny quotes of all time. These are easy to read list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken to make your day.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
11. “some see a weed, Some see a wish.”
12. “It sure is strange
that after
Tuesday
the rest of the week spells WTF.”
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!
“Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.”
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
13. “REMEMBER
WHEN I
ASKED
FOR YOUR OPINION?
YEAH ME NEITHER.
POSTERS”
14. “START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE THOUGHT
MADE WITH SPOKEN.LY”
15. “IT’S YOUR
BIRTHDAY MAKE A WISH”
Very Short Funny Quotes About Life
A list of funny short quotes, phrases, sayings and captions about life, friendship, love that are motivational, inspirational, witty memes.
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
16. “STAY FOCUSED AND EXTRA SPARKLEY.”
17. “I’M ALLERGIC TO STUPIDITY. I BREAK OUT IN
SARCASM.”
18. “MY HEAD SAYS EYM BUT MY HEART SAYS
tacos”
I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
19. “I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than other people.”
20. “ARGUING WITH A WOMAN IS LIKE GETTING ARRESTED. EVERYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.”
Best Funny Quotes On Life
Here is a great collection of funny quotes about how life is short….so get on with it! Time is much too short to be living someone else’s life.
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
21. “When you’re stressed, You eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
22. “I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like Just Kidding..”
23. “DONUT WORRY BE HAPPY.”
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
24. “I woke up. I have clothes to wear. I have running water. I have food to eat. Life is good. I am thankful.”
25. “8 Year Olds Today Have: FACEBOOK, TWITTER, iPhone And iPod. When I Was 8, I Had a Coloring Book, Crayons, And An Imagination.”
Very Short Funny Quotes About Life
26. “I’M NOT WEIRD
1 AM
LIMITED EDITION”
27. “I ALWAYS mean what I say…
…I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.”
28. “SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LAY ON THE FLOOR WITH YOUR DOG. CIRCUS”
29. “Mirrors Dont Lie
And Lucky For You They Dont Laugh”
At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up. ~ Best Funny Quotes
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.
That moment when there’s a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
30. “I DON’T MEAN TO INTERRUPT PEOPLE I JUST RANDOMLY REMEMBER THINGS AND GET REALLY EXCITED.”
Very Short Funny Quotes
31. “THE WORLD CAN BE AMAZING WHEN YOU’RE SLIGHTLY
STRANGE.”
32. “I’m gonna go stand outside, so if anyone asks. you can just say
I’m outstanding.”
33. “MY FAVORITE EXERCISE IS A CROSS BETWEEN A LUNGE AND A CRUNCH… I CALL IT LUNCH.”
34. “IF I AM SILENT, it’s because there’s thunder inside me. Or I’m just chillin’, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.”
Funny Crazy Quotes
If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Paper cut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. ~ The Best Funny Quotes Ever
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
35. “If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never. let them go.”
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Funny Pictures and Images
Looking for the best funny memes and Funny Quotes About Life, my beautiful friend’s pictures, photos & images? Boomsumo’s pictures can be used on Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, Twitter, and blogs.
36. “MY LEVEL OF SARCASM HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I’M KIDDING
OR NOT. CIRCUS”
37. “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap.
Stay safe. Eat cake.”
38. “Autocorrect. Can go straight to he’ll.”
Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window.
I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. ~ The Best Funny Quotes Ever
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like “I’ve got nothing man.”
