50 Best Funny Minion Quotes & Funny Quotes Life

50 Best Funny Minion Quotes & Funny Quotes Life

#1. Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.”

#2. I live in my own little world… but it’s ok, they know me here.”

#3. I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.”

#4. I feel like I should clean the house, so I’m going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.”

#5. Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Don’t give up.”

#6. Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it #selective participation””

#7. Feeling so tired that I think I might have that Chinese disease called Dragon Ass.”

#8. Isn’t it funny how red, white & blue represent freedom…. Until they’re flashing behind you.”

#9. A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… well… that’s a sign of good taste..”

#10. My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity… I said nope, we all seem to enjoy it!!”

#11. Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

#12. I’m not fat, god gave me airbags cause I’m precious.”

#13. I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”

#14. I officially resign from adult hood. Decisions will be made using the eenie-meenie minie-moe method and arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue. I’ll be at recess if you need me.”

#15. Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free… and three sizes smaller?”

#16. There’s no better feeling than going to bed at night and not having to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.”

#17. I’m not fat I’m fluffy!”

#18. If I give you a straw will you go suck the fun out of someone else’s day?”

#19. Love is… not having to hold your farts in anymore”

#20. Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around!!!”

#21. My kids’ faces when I ask them if they did their chores”

#22. How to win any argument 1. Be a woman 2. That’s it 3. You win 4. Congratulations”

#23. Did you know #Diet” stands for: Did I eat that?”

#24. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus. So I could slap eight people at once.”

#25. No message picture only”

#26. If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably mom.”

#27. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.”

#28. They’re called ‘man hours’ because a woman would have that shit done in 20 minutes!”

#29. Don’t mind me, I’m just returning your nose. I found it in my business again.”

#30. I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.”

#31. Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked, so remember don’t sing”

#32. I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee, headache? Drink coffee, Cold? Drink coffee, someone makes you angry? Bust them in the head with the cup!”

#33. My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning so I stayed home to take care of it.”

#34. I don’t know what this cow is going through but I can relate.”

#35. I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding..”

#36. I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve, but when I’m done. I’m done.”

#37. Don’t piss me off. I will stop taking my pills, and nobody wants that-do they?”

#38. It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth…”

#39. Just once in my life, I’d actually like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire.”

#40. Of course I talk to my self. Sometimes I need expert advice”

#41. I did not trip. The floor looked sad, so I thought it needed a hug!”

#42. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge???”

#43. It’s been a rough week but on a positive note… I didn’t need any bail money and didn’t have to hide any bodies.”

#44. The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord!”

#45. My maturity level depends on who I’m with.”

#46. Technically if you don’t cut a cake and just eat the whole thing with a fork you still only had one piece.”

#47. Best friends they know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”

#48. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

#49. I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos but then I would not have any friends left.”

#50. That annoying moment when you are texting someone and auto correct decides to join the conversation.”